By Becky Vickerstaff

Parenting in today’s world requires juggling many competing interests, and dads in the medical professions have their own unique challenges. First there is the reality of the educational investment; studying, rotation, and other complementary activities take up lots of time. After school, there are internships, residencies, fellowships, and of course, being on call. How does Dr. Dad get it all done?

One SDN member, who we’ll call “New Intern,” has just completed medical school and is beginning residency. He has two sons, now 4 and 1, and he and his wife have had to reach out to other medical students to help balance things. “We had no family in the area where I attended school. Occasionally we had some of my school friends baby sit so we could see a movie once or twice. But otherwise, it was just us – with my wife doing the majority of the child care.”

Similar to New Intern, Foughtfyr, father of one with another on the way, says that the only way to make having a family and a challenging health career work is to have a support network. “We had a GREAT daycare set-up. Our next door neighbor had a licensed daycare in her home. My wife worked a 9-5 job and took care of the baby after that,” he said.

Farmercyst, who is beginning his first year of pharmacy school, also credits his wife for her support. “She’s a stay at home mom and so she uses her mom and my mom to get out of the house on occasion. Between them I’ve had relatively few issues juggling school and work that were kid related.”

SDN member Oldbearprofessor, dad to two teenagers, says he and his wife, not living near family, formed their own support network. “My wife, who has a doctoral degree, works from home primarily and our parents are not in town, so mostly we’ve relied on others for the usual things like house-cleaning and babysitting.”

Being doctor dad has its challenges outside the support network required to raise a family. After all, the hours are long and choices have to be made. Sometimes the choices are hard – like when your child is ill and you can’t easily reschedule your shift – and sometimes they are just about being a parent.

New Intern says that the conflicting emotions he sometimes experienced were a bit challenging. “I’d spend so much time away from my family and get upset when I felt I couldn’t keep up with either them or school. School and family were in direct competition for my time and attention.”

Foughtfyr, who is in the middle of his second year of residency, has challenges that are very immediate. His wife, expecting their second child, is experiencing the ups and downs of pregnancy with a small child in the house. “It is very hard for me to leave home for a shift knowing that she is nauseated and still has to chase a toddler around the house,”

Farmercyst said the hardest times were immediately after the birth of both children, and now finds himself wondering just how much pharmacy school will impact his family life. “My suggestion is, if you’re planning to have kids, planning the timing is very important.”

“I asked my kids what they thought,” says Oldbearprofessor, “and they laughed at the idea that they needed me around more than my career allowed. Of course, they are teens and really need me mostly to drive them somewhere and give them money.”

Of course, there are rewards to having a medicine man in the family. For Farmercyst, it has been beneficial during times of illness in the family. “I’ve been able to explain to my wife the different medical conditions that our family has had to deal with as well as why the doctors have suggested different methods to diagnose and treat the different problems.”

Oldbearprofessor, who has established himself as a neonatologist, is able to share some of the perks of working in medicine with his kids, along with a little perspective. “I do a significant amount of traveling relating to international medical work and usually am able to bring at least one child along, especially now that they are teenagers. For me, medicine has been a way of showing my children the world, including some very poor parts of it.”

While much remains unwritten for the newer fathers as they develop their professional goals, the advice they’d give themselves in retrospect is poignant.

New Intern says that ultimately, you need to achieve some sort of balance in medicine and your personal life. “I’ve noticed other people consumed with medicine to the detriment of everything and everyone else around them.”

Farmercyst’s advice to others – focus. “Ten years ago I was a 20 year old bachelor. I had left school the year before and wouldn’t return until 2000. If I had to give myself advice I’d have to say, hey, in 10 years you’ll be 30 and have two kids, stop goofing off and get back to school.”

And Oldbearprofessor, who now is raising teenagers, has reassuring words for all parents in the medical profession. “Absolutely nothing I’ve seen or done suggests that the balance between good parenting and a medical career is not doable if you are committed to this balance.”

On this Father’s Day, remember to recognize all the doctor dads for their hard work in school, their efforts to balance fatherhood and medicine and most of all for standing up as a role model to their children. Their challenges may be great, but they all agree that the rewards are even greater.

_{Artwork by Brandon Luk}