benelswick said:
I regularly feel like a schmuck for not attending important family or other social engagements that most people attend when they are not working. For example a 2nd cousin of mine had a kidney transplant and their was a last minute plan to have lunch with the family and I had just told my lab partner that we would meet to study for a bio test that I really needed to get ready for. And this is on top of all the normal stuff I don't do with my wife or our friends. Anybody out there working full-time and going to school full time and just just not have any time for anybody? Is that self-indulgence? What does chasing down a med school education mean is this light? I'm feeling a little depressed that I can't fulfill the expectations of the people in my life.--Ben
Hi there,
The only person's expectations that you have to fulfull are your own. It is not selfish to want to do well in your academics and fulfill your goals. One of the first lessons that I learned as a physician that with my family, it is quality and not quantity. I am a surgeon and they realize that I will not be available for most Christmas celebrations, weddings and family dinners. They tell me of the engagements and ask me to RSVP if I can make it.
My SO and I have had many holiday celebrations before or after the holidays. When you are a surgical resident, holidays mean trauma especially on New Year's and Christmas. Even Sundays, during football season mean trauma because many people feel obligated to head to their favorite sports bar or buddy's house, drink tons of beer and then drive home impaired by alcohol.
Medicine and the pursuit of medicine is not going to be nine to five if you are a non-traditional applicant. Most non-trads have jobs and family obligations. Traditional medical school applicants are in college and their studies are their jobs. Your time is precious and will only become more precious as you move further along. Is it self-indulgent? Probably no more than asking one of your business friends to give up their power lunch at 12 noon to go home and take care of a sick kid. It is just that you are on a schedule that few can understand. You have to work for a living and you are using your "spare time" to study.
One of the difficult things that you have to do in pursuit of the goal of medical school, is a reality check. From the time that you put on the mantle of physician, you life is really not your own. Sure with things like the 80-hour work week, you can be home more, but your home time is often spent studying for exams and learning material that you need to master for practice.
As you get into practice, your patients are going to make demands on your time. How you handle these demands will largely determine how you practice. Some folks join large group practices and share on-call time. Others work at shifts (like EM) and have on and off time. Some like surgery, are extremely time-intensive (you have to do your cases and see your office patients in addition to making rounds in the hospital). Surgical cases can run from a couple of hours to marathon cases like liver transplants or radical neck dissections.
Should you feel guilty about loving a career that puts extraordinary demands on your time? You need not feel any more guilty than anyone else who loves what they do. You make your sacrifices and your family does too. In the end, your only reward is your patient care because the days of six-figure salaries are rapidly evaporating for most physicians. In their place are six-figure malpractice premiums and five-figure salaries.
If you are constantly beating yourself up over time demands, you may want to consider doing something else if for nothing other than peace of mind. Heaven knows that this job is difficult enough without adding to the stress. I have found that my family loves me whether I am attending the family events or not. I guess I just lucked out there.
njbmd
