Pregnant1?!

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Originally posted by LoveDoc
Here's the SDN Door ------------> Leave

+pissed+
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I hope you are refering to your own politicizing of the OP's situation when you say leave. Because I have no reason to have to leave/

There's no way Im leaving. There are many cases where I am wrong on SDN, and I admit it, but in this case I know I am right. You and many others on this thread are using this poor OPs situation to try and discuss your political and moral views. This is greedy, arrogant, and shameful. You and others should be ashamed LoveDoc.

I repeat again, if you have kids and are in med school, congrats and please post your experiences.

If you want to moralize/politicize this, then I suggest you take LoveDocs advice and leave.
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Don't use my name if you haven't read my posts. I told her to explore her options and be proud of her decision. I did not give my opinion at all.

So Hypocrite Gleeboy...move on.
 
TOUCHY TOUCHY PEOPLE!!!
1. I have no opinion on the OP's statement... sorry I can't be much help, but I wish you all the luck and good fortune that you deserve. :clap:

2. Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

3. Wow SDN has turned into political science and morality 101. Have an opinion... hey they are yours to have, but please please please keep the attacks to the barest minimum. Agree to disagree and move on. Besides I think that maybe.. just maybe.. that getting into Medical school is hella more important than what Ryo or love or Glee or Ram or whoever says. But then again I may be wrong. :rolleyes:
 
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Originally posted by Smurf
OK...
Should I postpone this until he/she starts school? Can anyone who is going through med school let me know how you did it.
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I would just like to bring some attention back to Smurf's original post. I think she was only asking 2 simple questions. She wasn't looking for persecution or for ppl to beat her down. She was just was looking for ppl who are going through med school to let her know how they did it. Was that too much for some of ya'll to handle? Give her a break!
 
Wow, Its a sickening thought that some of you will be perhaps caring for patients one day.

Smurf, my wife and I just found out that we are pregnant as well. It is a huge thing to consider raising a child and med school but it can be and has been done. I will be (hopefully) starting school in 2004 as well. Do you have family around to help out? That is HUGE if you do. Unfortunately, there is no ideal time to mix school and having kids. Do what you feel is right for you and your family, but keep in mind that it can be done!
 
Originally posted by FutureM.D.
She wasn't looking for persecution or for ppl to beat her down. She was just was looking for ppl who are going through med school to let her know how they did it. Was that too much for some of ya'll to handle? Give her a break!
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I skimmed through the replies. I didn't see any poster do this? :confused:

I do agree that posters should've stuck to the OP's questions and that several made inappropriate comments (pro life or pro abortion comments), but none were persecuting Smurf? :confused:
 
I can imagine that this is a huge surprise, but congratulations. :)
I am not (yet?) a med student, so I cannot offer advice on handling med school (maybe you should ask this over on one of the forums for med students, rather than asking us pre-meds who haven't been there yet?). However, I definitely agree with those who said that you still have plenty of time to pursue your dreams. It's becoming so common for non-traditional students to get started later in life, you're still ahead of the game even if you do decide to take time off to focus on your child.

If you're in need of practical assistance, you might want to consult one of these organizations for some help with finances, a place to live, work, etc. and, *if you are considering adoption*, information about adoption:
http://www.nurturingnetwork.org/ (phone: 1-800-TNN-4MOM)
http://www.birthright.org/ (phone: 1-800-550-4900)
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/programs/ (1-800-CARE-002)
http://www.bethany.org/ (1-800-BETHANY)

However, I want to emphasize that I don't think anyone--and I do mean anyone, including family members or friends!--has a right to tell you that you should have an abortion or place your child for adoption. I feel that too many women are pressured into making those decisions by people who have a knee-jerk reaction to single motherhood.
There are so many variables in life. The father of the baby might reconsider his feelings about being involved in the child's life once he sees an ultrasound or after the baby is born. Sometimes men have a hard time seeing the baby as something "real" (not just something to "get rid of") until they can actually see/touch it.
And on the flip side of the coin, even being married when you get pregnant is no assurance a man will always be around, with the divorce rate being as high as it is. Just as I would not tell a newly divorced woman to put her born children up for adoption, I would never tell a single pregnant woman to automatically choose adoption or abortion.
Nonetheless, IF you feel adoption is something you might want to consider, the below link is an article that discusses your RIGHTS as a birthmom...most importantly, the right to feel free to say no if you change your mind:
http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/parent.htm

And here is a site that outlines some of the choices you have in an adoption plan: http://www.birthmother.com/adecisions_index.asp

I just wanted to try to offer some support. :) My best wishes to you and your child.
 
Originally posted by ramz
look the bottom line is that you're not supposed to be sleepin around if you cant handle a baby!
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This is so mean. She never said that she was sleeping around. She couldve been with the guy for years and he just turn out to be a dyck and left. Happens all the time when married "dads" desert their families....
 
Originally posted by LoveDoc
MODERATOR PLEASE BAN THIS PERSON: Ryo-Ohki




His comments are UNACCEPTABLE. This is a baby, God's gift we are talking about. Even if it is aborted there is a proper way to discuss the option.
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Do you not realize that your "God's gift" comment is just as offensive to some as Ryo-Ohki's sarcasm???? Think about it before you start slaughtering people because you think God is on your side of the arguement. . .:rolleyes:
 
One of my best buddies had a baby AND a divorce during medical school. She did very well and matched into a competitive specialty; however she did have a very supportive family.

Although you spend an enormous amount of time studying your first 2 years, you could potentially be at home quite a bit. You will really need some support with watching the child during 3rd year; almost every school I know requires some overnight call for some, if not all, rotations, so you'll need someone who would keep an eye on your kid for around 24 hours when you are on call.

If you are not ready/don't want to raise a child, choice is a great thing to have available. If you do want to keep the baby, you probably realize that you will have lots of challenges and compromises that many of your classmates will not be dealing with. But it can (and has) been done; just try to pick a place where you will have support from others.

Good luck
 
Smurf--

I don't have any good advice (or opinions) for you, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck and lots of support in all your decisions! :)
 
While I'm not a med student (yet?!?), I can share some of my experiences being a single mom during undergrad. I did two years with two children who were 3 and 1 when I started.

1. Your biggest obstacle will be childcare. Full-time (which you will probably need unless you can schedule your classes in one big block) is avg of $130-$160 per week for EACH child. And most centers do not offer a part-time option, they consider anything above 20 hours a week as full-time. And they will not factor this cost into your financial aid formula-be prepared to take a LOT of loans. Also, state assistance generally only pays for childcare if you're working, not going to school (it depends where you are but it's worth at least looking into). Daycare centers also, for the most part, do not allow you to take "vacation" per se, they have contracts where you have to pay each week the kids are enrolled even if you may be off of school.

2. Be prepared to be VERY organized! and VERY flexible! This is a difficult balancing act since the two objectives kind of collide. There was many a time when I had planned to carve a few hours out of my schedule for studying, etc, and got sidetracked by a whiny overtired child who wouldn't go down for his nap as planned. Most of the time, despite my best-laid plans, I wound up with books open on the counter while making dinner, doing laundry, even in the bathroom while giving a bath and had to look at them catch as catch can, as well as staying up very late at night after the kids finally went to sleep. Also, have backup options lined up whenever there's something important. My daughter decided to come down with the flu an hour before my Ethics final exam was scheduled and I had to call roughly thirty people before I found someone who could take her for the two hours since her daycare wouldn't accept her when she was sick.

3. I was lucky enough to have a job managing the apartment complex where I lived at the time so I could work from home and schedule my duties and showings at my convenience. If you need to work for money, I would suggest trying to get a job like this. I couldn't imagine having had a job where I had to punch in and out-there's no way it would have worked.

Just my contribution of some things you may be in for. Good luck to you, whatever you wish. And ignore those who try to make moral judgments about whatever happened to put you in this situation or what you may choose to do to deal with it, you don't need the stress. The bottom line is, it's your life.
 
Smurf, (if you're even still reading this), you might want to check out mommd.com - there are a lot of really supportive women there who are actively sorting out a lot of the questions I imagine you have right now. Lots of different perspectives about being a mom and a doctor/med student/pre-med student.

I can imagine some of the emotions you have right now - I'm 34 and married, and we're actually trying to concieve, and it scares the be-jesus out of me sometimes. There's a lot to think about. But on the other hand, long experience has taught me that with patience and hard work, most things turn out OK in the end.

Good luck to you,

Nanon
 
Sorry for the absence. I want to thank you all for replying. Abortion was never an option, just because I don't think I could go through with it. For all of you who shared your personal experiences THANK YOU. You have given me TONS of hope. :D

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and this was hard for him to swallow. After discussing this for the past week, he has decided that he wants to stay together and be there for both me and the baby. He was scared and wanted me to get an abortion b/c he didn't think we could finish school and have a baby. But after apologizing 100 times for saying he was going to leave, he decided that this was what he really wanted (just a few years earlier). Even though I cannot comprehend how difficult it will be, we will have family and friends to keep us alive! :)

I just wanted to thank all of you. Happy New Year!
 
I have a couple of pieces of info. I will share. I was an unexpected pg for my parents just as they finished high school. All my dad wanted to do was to become a doctor, and he did. I do remember my dad being very busy and gone a lot. That being said, he was not a single parent so his load was not as heavy as it could have been. I only mention that because going to med school will cause you to miss out on a lot of those first years of your child's life.
But here's another thing to think about, as a single mother not going to school, you will have to work. If your working full-time you will also miss out on a lot of those forst years. So...in my opinion...it doesn't really matter. Do whatever you want to do.
As for me, I have two small children, and while I am not a single parent, I had to work full-time at a job I knew I could not stand forever. I was already away from my kids for a good part of the day, so I decided that I might as well follow my dream. If I have to work and be away from them it is much more tolerable doing something I really want to do.
So far going to school with kids is quite a balancing act, but I am convinced it can be done.
I think to best thing I have read here is to give it some time, and medical school *will* always be there if you decide to wait.
I wish you the best...and congratulations!
Natalie
 
CONGRATULATIONS!!! you are about to embark on one of the most wonderful (and terrifying!) experiences we can have. I shared your story with dear friend of mine who gave me permission to share her story....I hope it give you hope.

While Candy wasn't in school she did have a full time job as a teacher at a Christian school when she discovered she was unexpectedly pregnant. You cannot imagine the terror she felt. There was certainty that she would lose her job, her family wouldn't not help support her, and the father disappeared. Abortion seemed like the best option...but sometimes things aren't as they seem. Candy chose to have her baby...whom she named Isaac (which means laughter). She chose this name because there was anything BUT laughter in her life. She did indeed lose her job, her family disowned her, she was pennyless, homeless (her roommate kicked her out), and alone when she gave birth. I was her labor coach, and what a different atomosphere was present at Isaac's birth than at my own. Candy didn't WANT to be there giving birth. At that moment there weren't many who believed she should have had Isaac or that anything good could come out of the event except a low income single parent....but as I said, things aren't always as they seem. I loaned her money for a couple of months until she found a low income job and she began her journey. She educated herself and landed a job with the state, found daycare for Isaac, and began the process of rebuilding her relationship with her family....slowly they came around. This month Isaac turns 5, and how her life has changed. In the last five years she has worked her way up to a moderate income, become close knit with her family, and last month married an incredible man who loves Isaac as his own. I asked her about her choices and what she felt. She was emphatic...."Isaac is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Even if I had never married, never found a decent job, never had a relationship with my family, Isaac would still be the best thing that has ever happened to my life. He has brought me laughter like I never knew before" It sounds like you have everything going for you....your family, the father, and people to support you. I can only imagine how great your joy will be when you look back someday and also say emphatically, "He/She is the BEST thing to ever happen to me" I wish you the very best and CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy every moment!
 
Congratulations :)

I think that raising a child while in medical school will obviously be a challenge, but if you have a great support system--your parents, relatives, friends, etc--it can be done. It will be hard financially and emotionally, but becoming a doctor will be an investment in your child's future as well as your own. Good Luck.
 
Congrats! There's nothing as sweet as a baby!

Now... I'm not in med school, so that area I can't really comment on..

However, I am working a full-time job, taking full-time undergrad classes, and the mom of two wonderful kids (4 and 1).

That being said... I'm still pursuing my pre-med studies, but also going into a tech field so I can work a few years.

For me, the decision to put off applying to med school was the right one. My children will only be this young for a brief time, and school will always be there. I'm not willing to sacrifice their toddlerhood for my career... if that makes sense.

Best of luck in making the right decision for you - I'd agree with some of the other posters that said wait until the baby gets here to decide - parenthood changes you in unimaginable ways. :)
 
Some good advice has been given so far. Some bad.

When it comes time to decide where you want to go for school, consider the atmosphere of the school itself. Each med school has its own personality and culture, and it will definitely affect your life. Choose a school that is friendly to single moms. Some schools offer a 5 yr program just in case things get too tricky. There are a few med schools with no parents in their classes. Our school has TONS of reproductive power. Lots of kids. Three single moms in our class alone. A few students give birth during med school (well, not during class). And some don't even take the 5 yr option. Of course, the single moms do have a LOT of support around them.

(This isn't a plug for my school. I'm just trying to show that there is tons of diversity in the term "med student".)
 
hi smurf. Like you I am planning to apply for the 2005 year, I have two children (2.5 and 6 mos), and am fairly young (mid twenties). My advice is based on both personal and professional (I do this for a living) experience.

1. Take a deep breath. A child is a fundamental change in lifestyle, you must be both mentally and physically prepared.

2. Reevaluate. If you finish your undergrad before the baby comes, you might want to think about pushing your application back to 2006. The reason is that the first 6 mos is crucial in in developing a strong bond with the child and is the most exciting time developmentally. (ie, crawling, cooing, soliad foods) Also, it is the sleep deprevation time period, so I doubt that you want to be in class or preparing for interviews at that time.

3. Support System. Whover is in your support system (parents, grandparents, family friends, etc) needs to know as soon as possible, so that they can plan to help. (most daycares do not accept children under 10 weeks old so you need them)

4. Child Support. If Dad isn't going to be there physically or emotionally make sure his wallet is finacially. Go to your local county's Domestic Relations office and file a petition when you are about 8 months pregnant. (Petitions usually take 6-8 weeks to process and to schedule a conference)

5. Take care of yourself. In the coming months you are probably going to doubt the decisions you've made and the path you've chosen. It may take longer than expected and maybe harder than expected, but if you stay focused it will happen.

If you have any more questions or would just like to talk, e-mail me. Again I work in the social services field and depending on where you live might be able to link you up with some services that'll ease you're burden.
 
Originally posted by Sweet Tea
Smurf--

I don't have any good advice (or opinions) for you, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck and lots of support in all your decisions! :)
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Ditto :D
 
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