1. I understand that now, having gone through two lawsuits and more mature in my career. However, it's not how someone newly practicing, in their first lawsuit views it.
2. One dismissed early, one did go to trial but verdict was in my favor and dismissed with prejudice. These cases came back to back, which further added to my stress. The one that went to trial, the other side wanted unreasonable sum, so my insurance agency refused to settle. Trust me when I say that the cases that go to trial are mentally very difficult to overcome.
The plantiff's side is incentivized to convince laypeople that you were incompetent and frame you in the worst of lights. You have to sit there and quietly listen to it for days. I'm sure many have the mental fortitude to withstand those kind of mental assaults. I know logically this was all about money (I knew this because my lawyers were amazing and able to subpoena the clinical notes from the defendant's psychiatrist). However, for someone like me who has tied their identity to being a good doctor, it was difficult not to succumb to depression. When you are in deep depression, you are not rational regarding things like a lawsuit's impact on one's career, likelihood of over-the-limit awards.
Lastly, we do need serious mental health reform for physicians. Every credentialing form, we have to check off the box that says that you have no psychiatric illness that may your physician duties. For me, that prevented me from seeking mental health assistance.