I wasted an entire year at home. Now what?

[StressfulMD]

Hi guys, I could seriously use your help right now. I am in a real rut at the moment.

After graduating last May (2020), I was originally planning to take the MCAT this January. I thought studying 8 months full-time (then focusing on extracurriculars after) would be a reasonable timeline for me to actually ace this exam. But, I wasn't realistic with the amount of self-discipline I needed to do this.

I still have not taken the exam as of yet. Studying at home, in my room, proved to be a challenge as I frankly lost a lot of motivation and energy. Part of this is attributable to a recent diagnosis of an autoimmune thyroid disease that had me sleeping 11-12 hours a day. I just underwent an operation for it in April and thankfully I am now in remission from the disease and getting some energy back with daily medication.

But the above isn't an excuse at all. I really just stopped caring about myself, lost motivation, and kept making excuses to push off studying and distract myself with nonsense while living at home. I got nothing done. I'm writing this while I'm completely ashamed of myself. My relationship with my parents, for pretty much the first time, has gone to s*** after I put up a facade of hard work and studying with nothing to show for it in the form of a real exam score. Yes, I've been screwing around this entire time.

All I have to show for the past year is a research project my friend and I are independently conducting. It is not published yet. So I'm now finding myself studying from scratch right now with a plan to take the MCAT in September, which I'm worried isn't enough time for me to achieve a stellar score (515-518+) given my GPA (3.6 overall, 3.5 science). Of course, my parents are not talking to me.

Any advice with regards to mending my relationship with my parents? What if I am not ready in September? What do I tell my parents then? Lastly, will a gap in activities for 2020 be suspicious come time for me to apply?

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[deleted1054719]

Be kind to yourself. You didn't waste a year - medical school admissions is not the only thing important in the world and your life even though it may feel like it at times to us. You had a major diagnosis and operation and we all went through COVID-19 together. Coming out of the tunnel and readjusting to the light is nothing to be ashamed of. Delaying the MCAT may have even been the best option here - going in and getting a low score would've hurt your application more. Make sure you're 100% back in the game and then set up a plan. Med school is here to stay and will wait. Go out into nature, have fun, and recharge before trying again. Everyone takes different amounts of time to study for the MCAT. I took about two months. I had friends take two years.

Can't comment much on the activities gap although I suspect it's a nonissue that can be minimized even further by your surgery! Sorry to hear about your parents too. I hope they'll come around to the situation quickly!

 

[Goro]

Hi guys, I could seriously use your help right now. I am in a real rut at the moment.

After graduating last May (2020), I was originally planning to take the MCAT this January. I thought studying 8 months full-time (then focusing on extracurriculars after) would be a reasonable timeline for me to actually ace this exam. But, I wasn't realistic with the amount of self-discipline I needed to do this.

I still have not taken the exam as of yet. Studying at home, in my room, proved to be a challenge as I frankly lost a lot of motivation and energy. Part of this is attributable to a recent diagnosis of an autoimmune thyroid disease that had me sleeping 11-12 hours a day. I just underwent an operation for it in April and thankfully I am now in remission from the disease and getting some energy back with daily medication.

But the above isn't an excuse at all. I really just stopped caring about myself, lost motivation, and kept making excuses to push off studying and distract myself with nonsense while living at home. I got nothing done. I'm writing this while I'm completely ashamed of myself. My relationship with my parents, for pretty much the first time, has gone to s*** after I put up a facade of hard work and studying with nothing to show for it in the form of a real exam score. Yes, I've been screwing around this entire time.

All I have to show for the past year is a research project my friend and I are independently conducting. It is not published yet. So I'm now finding myself studying from scratch right now with a plan to take the MCAT in September, which I'm worried isn't enough time for me to achieve a stellar score (515-518+) given my GPA (3.6 overall, 3.5 science). Of course, my parents are not talking to me.

Any advice with regards to mending my relationship with my parents? What if I am not ready in September? What do I tell my parents then? Lastly, will a gap in activities for 2020 be suspicious come time for me to apply?

Therapy is usually a helpful start for getting your mental health in order. This is NOT giving medical advice!

 

[Moko]

After graduating last May (2020), I was originally planning to take the MCAT this January... But, I wasn't realistic with the amount of self-discipline I needed to do this. I still have not taken the exam as of yet... I frankly lost a lot of motivation and energy... Recent diagnosis of an autoimmune thyroid disease... now in remission. I'm writing this while I'm completely ashamed of myself. My relationship with my parents, for pretty much the first time, has gone to s*** after I put up a facade of hard work and studying with nothing to show for it in the form of a real exam score... I'm now finding myself studying from scratch right now with a plan to take the MCAT in September, which I'm worried isn't enough time for me to achieve a stellar score (515-518+) given my GPA (3.6 overall, 3.5 science). Of course, my parents are not talking to me.

Any advice with regards to mending my relationship with my parents? What if I am not ready in September? What do I tell my parents then? Lastly, will a gap in activities for 2020 be suspicious come time for me to apply?

I'm glad that you are feeling better after your thyroid surgery. Could other conditions be contributing to your current symptoms and problems? Depression is very common and can present similarly. If untreated, it can cause significant issues in one's academic, personal and social life. Speaking very generally (i.e. not medical advice for you), one should have a low threshold to be evaluated for such conditions.

My recommendations for you:
- To mend your relationship with your parents, the first step will be to apologize and take ownership for your inaction. Be honest with how you have been feeling this past year, and tell them what steps you plan to take to get back on track. It can be difficult and awkward to have this conversation. It may be helpful to write them a letter to kickstart this dialogue.
- With regards to your MCAT, take it when you are ready, and not to meet some artificial self-imposed deadline. You will be applying very late with a September MCAT date, so plan to apply in the 2022-2023 cycle instead. Your rushing to apply this cycle will likely be futile. Again, be honest with your parents.
- Most applicants will have fewer extracurricular activities in 2020 due to the pandemic, so you will be cut some slack provided your application is otherwise competitive. If this gap is noticed and you are pressed for an explanation, your taking time off to get your thyroid disease into remission is an understandable explanation.

For now, prioritize your wellbeing and repair your relationship with your family. Once these issues are fully addressed, then focus on getting a competitive application for medical school. Just my thoughts.

 

[StressfulMD]

Thank you all for the replies; it means a lot. I think what I need to do is prove to my parents that I made a mistake and need to be a capable, hard-working adult; I lived off of them and didn’t have any other responsibilities. It's a glaring stain of immaturity I need to rise above. Seeing other people my age succeed and move on has made my parents ashamed of me too. They want me to finish quickly and apply, but I'm not ready. I don't have enough ECs nor an MCAT score of course.

I was able to get straight A's my last 2 years of college, so I don't think can't be clinical depression. Simply, the allure of being at home demotivated me severely and it's time to pick myself up again and restart. Right now, I think I just need a sense of responsibility and time-management.

To mend your relationship with your parents, the first step will be to apologize and take ownership for your inaction. Be honest with how you have been feeling this past year, and tell them what steps you plan to take to get back on track. It can be difficult and awkward to have this conversation. It may be helpful to write them a letter to kickstart this dialogue.

Moving forward with them is proving to be difficult. I think I just need to show them, not simply tell them. I've had several similar conversations about the test before, and they are done talking--I've lied about my progress with studying and I lied about the extent of the work I put in the past year too and now I'm forced to deal with the consequences.

That's the facade I was talking about. Having the urge to sleep and going through surgery (which just to clarify was this April in case it wasn't clear!) wasn't easy, but I was tired throughout all of college and still made it. I think that's the thing most jarring about the entire situation, for both them and me; how I went from something to completely nothing.

Go out into nature, have fun, and recharge before trying again. Everyone takes different amounts of time to study for the MCAT. I took about two months. I had friends take two years.

Thanks for this - I do need to go out and see the world, and given that I've never had a job before, I'm sure it's a good place to start, even if part-time while studying for the MCAT part time. If that doesn't work, I think I'll axe the job at that point and will hopefully have gained the fortitude to go back to studying full-time.

Again, I appreciate everyone's advice and time. Any further comments are welcome of course