non-encouraging parents

[caramel_MD]

Well with all the talk about parents, this is my dilemma, and any encouraging words would most definitely help.....
I havent published much on this board, but I am a frequent visitor to this site....

My mother is my problem, many of my family members talk about that I should be the lawyer in the family and at one time after watching too much darn Law and Order I thought I wanted too..But after visiting so many law schools I am really uninterested in the whole torts, contracts deal. But I am a pleaser, I have a backbone, but no one encourages me when I say that I would really find myself happy being a doctor. They all say, "you wont be happy". But outsiders, people who have worked with me and talked to me, always say you would make a great doctor... But my mother is not very encouraging which Im sure its not purposely.Momz is somewhat controlling, but her antics have caused my own confusion.I am also a single mother and my parents really help me out with him while Im in school, stats 23yro, prior air traffic controller in the navy, 3.2 gpa (went to college after hs and practically failed out, had a .8-been back in school since 2001)..I am very proud of myself bc of the circumstances I was one in-my gpa, and that I have busted my left butt cheek to get to where I am at now.Mummie says your not going to want to be in school that long, but I would rather be in school 20yrs and be happy than 3 and be miserable...I graduate next August, and still have math, science, and pre-med reqs to do yet....
I am aware that I am my own inspiration, but just finished having the conversation with mum, and now shes indifferent, I only want their support...Maybe Im just overreacting
...
My question is...have any of you had this problem and how did you overcome the confusion that takes over, even though you know yourself better than they do...

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[sistermike]

Pursue the career field you believe you will truly enjoy. Don't let your parents condescending words stop you from achieving your goals. Although I am far away from even starting med school, I still express to my parents my thoughts of becoming a doctor. They think its a horrible idea because they don't understand how anyone would enjoy 8 years of school and then 4+ years of residency before you start making any money. I don't think parents understand that we are not pursuing this career for the money, but rather its a dream to help and heal. You should express to your parents that being a lawyer would be the better way to go if you were interested in money because you are more likely able to start making more money at the beginning, but tell them that you don't think you would enjoy being a lawyer but rather would enjoy being a doctor. And if they persist that you are making the wrong choice, just go for what you believe in, and I assure you that in the end, your parents will agree with you that you made the right choice in life.

 

[Kermie]

Welcome to SDN Caramel MD!

First of all, you have to do what is going to make you happy and if that is medicine then go for it! And you have made quite a comeback. I know it is hard to go after something when your family is not being supportive of you. For me, my father is my problem. He does not think I should go into medicine. He tells me things like: "when will you have kids? you know you are not getting any younger", "I don't think medicine is a good profession for women", and my personal favorite: "don't you have to be smart to go into medicine". I am applying to medical school even though he is totally against it. Stay focused on your dreams and everything will work out - they will eventually support you - at least that is what I am hoping for

 

[caramel_MD]

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and encouragements....Earlier this month, I went against myself and spent 272 dollars on the LSAT, which I have in no way prepared myself for, and in which I am not going to take-wasted daddie's money....BUT, ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH........Thanks for the welcome Kermie.....

 

[Raptor]

read my signature.

 

[pcl]

Have faith in yourself. If this is what you want, you will find a way to do it, otherwise, the application process is grueling enough to challenge your commitment...

My parents thought i should get married to my college sweetheart and start having babies, not go to medical school... They came around after a while and now are my staunch supporters...

Good Luck.

pcl.

 

[Camden772]

Hey caramel_MD,

I'm new to SDN, and I recently read your post. Let me tell you from experience, only you can know what your true calling is. I was in a similar situation to you eight years ago. I was a pre-med in college who desparately wanted to be a doctor. My father is a physician and never encouraged me to be a doctor. In fact, when I told him I wanted to be a doctor he was very upset. He felt (and still feels) that going to medical school was the worst mistake he ever made. I won't go into the details about why he hates medicine, but it's the same kind of stuff you hear from a lot of doctors these days. While I was in college, we couldn't even talk about my career plans because it upset him so much. He was always trying to talk me in to doing something else. In particular, he was always pushing me to go to law school (which is what he wishes he would have done). Well, I applied to 20 med schools in 1994, got two interviews and no acceptances. I was devistated! I was depressed for months. I remember my father was relieved. He said it was the best thing that could have happened to me. No one had ever encouraged me to go into medicine and after failing to get in, I was wondering whether fate was trying to tell me this was not in my future. I wound up taking the LSAT on a whim, and going to one of the top law schools in the country. My father was ecstatic, but I was miserable. I did well in law school, and I have been successful practicing law, but it has always left me feeling empty. To remedy this, I started volunteering at a Children's hospital so that I could do something I cared about. It wasn't long before I realized that I made the biggest mistake of my life when I gave up on medicine. I'm now in the process of trying to make up for that mistake, and I am applying to medical school for the entering class of 2003. Once again, I cannot even bring the subject up with my father. But I'm 30 years old now, and a lot less concerned with whether he is happy with my career and a lot more concerned with whether I am happy with my career. I have excelled at law, and many of my lawyer friends are astonished that I want to give up all that I have worked for to start over again. But I can tell you that doing something you're good at is not the same as doing something you feel is your calling. Don't make the mistake I did, and take eight years to figure that out. What I wouldn't give to go back and do things differently.

 

[caramel_MD]

Camden772,
Thanks so much for those words of wisdom, Im not going to take the lsat, and to update, mommie is cool and collected about the whole medical school thing. Last night, I was checking out post-bacc programs, and was mentioning that I am going to apply for next fall, and she was all interested in the process..My dad, is nonchalant about it, he knows that I only want to be happy, and to be honest, he didnt even know I was a jr/sr in college. Shows how much he pays attention, but its cool, everyone is proud of me.. And hopefully next year, Ill be in some post-bacc program on my journey...
Thanks everyoneThanks everyone

 

[Dr. Wall$treet]

hey caramel and congrts on your decision! I was in a similar boat, although not without parental support on the issue. I was all set to go to law school. I had bought the kaplan prep for LSAT and had my letters or rec and applications ready to go etc, but i changed my mind and realized i would never happy doing law. So i did premed. WHich at first it was sooo frustrating cause it seemed like soo much work> all the premed classes, more letters of rec etc. Seemed impossible. BUt here i am two years later and im really glad i did it. Best decision i ever made. Im really excited to go to med school. (hopefully!) so just go for it, it is worth it. I could have done law or business and made alot more money and alot less debt and time spent in school but to me being happy is way more important. SO good luck and i hope we can all be support here for you!!

 

[Lady MD]

I have excelled at law, and many of my lawyer friends are astonished that I want to give up all that I have worked for to start over again.

Camden772 - Or you could tell your lawyer friends that it's not "throwing away" your experience because such unique a experience on your resume is going to serve as a means to get you into medical school.

On a side note, I can't tell if you're a man or woman, Camden722, but I've noticed that a lot of women talk about less-than-encouraging parents regarding a medical career. I wonder if subconsciously parents are old-fashioned in their thinking that it's a career in which a woman will have to sacrifice having a family? Maybe they want grandkids and that's why they act that way!

 

[none]

All of the above is good, but don't ever completely ignore your parents' advice. They have known you (and the rest of the world) longer than you have known yourself. Further, they're always going to have your best interests in mind and that's a rarity amongst advice givers.

 

[Camden772]

Lady MD,

I happen to be a man, but that's an interesting observation. It may be true that many parents are more discouraging to their daughters, but I can tell you my father would be discouraging to anyone interested in medicine, whether they be man, woman, dog, cat ....

 

[DoubleDoctor]

You saying that your father didn't know if you were a jr. or sr. is funny. My parents have been divorced since I was 6 and to say that my Dad is uninvolved is an unstatement. Last year I was with him at someone in the family's house and he proceeds to tell them that I am a computer science major.(What an idiot, cause I've been in college 5 years and I've always been a Biochem/Micro major). It did make some sense though, because the year before he had told me to shut up that I didn't know anything about genetics. My stepbrother wanted to get a dog and I was explaining that mutts have less health problems and why and Dad (the engineer) must have thought that I was a computer science major because I doubt that anyone would tell a biochem/micro major that they know nothing of genetics. It totally pissed me off, although I have to say that him not knowing my major pissed me off too. I sometimes wonder if he even listens to anything I'm saying. Its nice to know that there are other parents like mine. Thank God that my Mom has always been involved and supportive. As late as April, Dad was still saying I shouldn't go to med school and I should go into, you guessed it, computers. Finally I had to tell him to drop it, I'm going to med school.

I agree with the other about advice from your parents. My Mom always has my best interest in mind and I value her opinion more than anyone's. She has helped me work though some tough decisions and she has a lot more life experience than I do. Talk to your Dad to let him know that you have thought this thru (pros and cons) and it is really what you want. He'll probably come around.

 

[Caerulea]

Hi Caramel,

I think everyone has given good advice. All I have to add is that in the long run your parents just want happiness for you. They don't want you to be miserable or to look back and have regrets anymore than you do.

So... even though your parents may not realize that you know best, you'd be doing what they ultimately want you to do .... fulfill your dreams and become a happy and healthy individual.

Best of luck to all of you! Remember that dreams take time to grow and it won't happen overnight, but you'll be glad that you put forth the extra effort after it's all said and done.

 

[Caerulea]

Hi Camden,

I just sent you a PM.

 

[14931]

i dont even plan on telling my parents i am applying, after threatening to stop paying for my tuition because i was majoring in science (no offense to all u biology people), i switched to engineering, (really fun, really, but oh men, my gpa!)

anyway don't ask me how i am going to pay, i am just taking it one step at a time!

 

[Random Access]

Wow...and just when I thought everyone's parents wanted them to be a doctor...

-RA

 

[Dr. Wall$treet]

ya no doubt.. my mom bought me a new pair of slacks when she found out i was wanting to do med!

 

[Thundrstorm]

My dad has always wanted me to be a lawyer and my mom has always wanted me to be a doctor. Talk about pressure! I ignored both of them and refused to consider either career....until I realized that medicine iswhat I really wanted to do. Of course, my mother always introduces me as "Jessica, my daughter who's going to be a famous doctor." She gets a bit freaked out when I start talking about wanting to work for the CDC b/c she thinks I'm going to die the minute I step into a lab. Of course, that could be because I read some graphic passages from The Hot Zone at dinner one night just to freak everyone out.

 

[Biodude]

Wow, geez, I didn't expect to see so many people saying how their parents aren't supportive of their being doctors! DoubleDoctor, that's actually quite funny that your dad told you to go into computer science instead of medicine. For most of the people that I know, it's the other way around! Their parents keep pushing them to be doctors and they want to go into computers!

But, hey, I know how y'all feel. My mom keeps thinking that I should go into something else besides medicine. I have aunts and uncles telling me to go into something "easier". I really hate it when something thinks that I'm a computer science major though, argh!

 

[DoubleDoctor]

The real kicker is that my 3 best friends ARE computer science majors. This summer everyone was looking for jobs and I sent out resumes and received about 30 interviews and 2 days later I had a killer research job. The 3 CS majors couldn't find work and ended up working menial jobs. Scientists seem to be in very high demand.