affirmative action thread

[Random Access]

Originally posted by seaworthc
so I have two huge scabs on each of knees from a recent bike crash. I was thinking of going out and buying a new suit that has a skirt bottom so when I am sitting there being interviewed, the guy will be so distracted imagining the way I got those scabs, he won't even be able to concentrate on me. what do you think? is this a good way to get into Harvard if he thinks he might be the next lucky guy I go down on my knees for?

Whoa! (said in a Joey Lawrence-style)...

But it just might work...

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[::Seabass::]

give me a break RA, its hard to think of something funny when the thread is already to page 11.

(I actually did have a crash and wore pants, they have still not healed completely after 4 weeks. you should have heard the guys I work with.)

should I start a thead asking if selling your body to an old, crusty mad helps your chances? I haven't seen that discussed yet.

 

[DW]

ok, guys, SERIOUSLY,

So, here's my problem. I've done pretty well in the med school preparation process. I've got a mid 3 GPA, a mid 30 MCAT. I've got some research with a publication, a lot of volunteer and clinical experience as well. Pretty decent.

The problem being is that I'm not sure I'm supposed to be doing this. I mean, i have all these lame superficial motives for going into medicine (desire to work with people, scientific inclincations, academic development, etc), but I haven't gotten the message yet. All of my friends applying this year have heard some divine communication, some through burning bush, some through booming voice through storm clouds while standing on a mountain, that told them to apply to medical school, why they wanted to be a doctor, the merits of Examkrackers versus TPR, and what schools they should apply too.

Since no deity had contacted me about this, should I even apply? Should I hold off till AMCAS 2004 in hopes that I will get this divine calling in the next 12 months? Am I worshipping the right gods? Does Catholicism work, or Western religions in general? I was thinking of trying to worship the Greek gods, since my other tactics for eliciting this divine inspiration have yet to work Thoughts, anyone? thanks for your help

 

[Sweet Tea]

DW, if you have not received an email from the God of your choosing that says you should pursue med school, you have no chance. How many times do I have to tell you that you have no hope of becoming a doctor and no talent to be a good doctor, anyways? Begone, troll!!

 

[Random Access]

Originally posted by seaworthc
give me a break RA, its hard to think of something funny when the thread is already to page 11.

I thought it was incredibly funny.

 

[Explosivo]

Originally posted by DW
ok, guys, SERIOUSLY,
I was thinking of trying to worship the Greek gods, since my other tactics for eliciting this divine inspiration have yet to work Thoughts, anyone? thanks for your help

You're in luck!!!

I happen to know from a friend of mine that Zeus' minions are actually on the adcom at Harvard med!! But please, you must look out for that evil bitch Hera. She's the one that writes the rejection letters, DO NOT PISS HER OFF. (mention Zeus' illegitimate son Hercules to her and she'll banish you to the University of Kabul Med school or worse yet, force you into chiro!)

You must make a special impression. Here's how to appease the Gods of the Harvard adcom . You must make a sacrifice to the gods using the "hekatomb method." It's really very simple. All you need to do is gather 100 oxen or bulls and slaughter them all with a bronze sword in zeus' honor. Next you must remove their thighbones and wrap them in fat and place them upon a burning altar as a sacrifice to Zeus. Zeus finds the smell of charred thighbones wrapped in fat very pleasing. Plus, he will also be able to examine your dissection technique so do it right!! PM me if you want more details. I should add that recently Zeus has had a thing for cats and raccoons so you may want to consider them as an alternative to oxen and bulls.

Hope this helps!!

 

[Woots32]

Originally posted by DW
Am I worshipping the right gods? Does Catholicism work, or Western religions in general? I was thinking of trying to worship the Greek gods, since my other tactics for eliciting this divine inspiration have yet to work Thoughts, anyone? thanks for your help

Whatever! Everyone who REALLY wants to be a doctor has done their homework and knows that adcomms aren't impressed by animal sacrifices. What you need to do is find a virgin and throw her into a volcano that's about to erupt and obliterate a small tropical island village. If no virgins are around, throw yourself in. This will demonstrate your willingness to sacrifice for a rural community that is (most likely) medically underserved.

 

[williestyle81]

DW, what do you mean by your comments of a URM getting all these benefits?!? I'm an URM and I'm not getting any extra benefits. Explain yourself!

 

[pathdr2b]

The name is NOT DW.

I've renamed her Shanika-Shakwan Bonita Silverstein so that the adcoms will let her just slide right into medical school with the 1.2 GPA and a -15T on the MCAT!!!! Plus she'll then quailfy for 4X the benefits (as a transexual, black, hispanic, Jew) of the average URM!!!! Now THAT is my kind of affirmative action!!!

 

[DrLady]

Originally posted by pathdr2b
The name is NOT DW.

I've renamed her Shanika-Shakwan Bonita Silverstein so that the adcoms will let her just slide right into medical school with the 1.2 GPA and a -15T on the MCAT!!!! Plus she'll then quailfy for 4X the benefits (as a transexual, black, hispanic, Jew) of the average URM!!!! Now THAT is my kind of afirmative action!!!

 

[mvervaine]

Originally posted by pathdr2b
The name is NOT DW.

I've renamed her Shanika-Shakwan Bonita Silverstein so that the adcoms will let her just slide right into medical school with the 1.2 GPA and a -15T on the MCAT!!!! Plus she'll then quailfy for 4X the benefits (as a transexual, black, hispanic, Jew) of the average URM!!!! Now THAT is my kind of affirmative action!!!

Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein (formerly known as DW) were you a guy or a girl (pre-surgery)? i think i might have read somewhere that you love girls, but i don't want to jump to any un-PC conclusions. Which brings me to my next question: is it better to apply as a guy (and have a chance to go to high places in the medical profession) or as a girl (lower avg stats entering)?

incidentally i'm considering surgery myself...

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by mvervaine
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein (formerly known as DW) were you a guy or a girl (pre-surgery)? i think i might have read somewhere that you love girls, but i don't want to jump to any un-PC conclusions. Which brings me to my next question: is it better to apply as a guy (and have a chance to go to high places in the medical profession) or as a girl (lower avg stats entering)?

incidentally i'm considering surgery myself...

 

[DW]

Originally posted by mvervaine
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein (formerly known as DW) were you a guy or a girl (pre-surgery)? i think i might have read somewhere that you love girls, but i don't want to jump to any un-PC conclusions. Which brings me to my next question: is it better to apply as a guy (and have a chance to go to high places in the medical profession) or as a girl (lower avg stats entering)?

incidentally i'm considering surgery myself...

I was formerly of the male persuasion untile pathdr2b gave me that great advice although I might have to drop the Judaism thing. Just cant seem to get that blasted divine revelation.........

I mean, its obvious that when i was a male I would have been the better doctor, but now as the "ultra URM" I can get into any med school I want. MWAH HAH HAH HAH.

 

[chips]

so wait, you're saying that all the itching down there is normal? i mean, it looks pretty suspicious to me...

oh ****! wrong thread!

 

[mvervaine]

Originally posted by DW
MWAH HAH HAH HAH.

SSBS aka DW, the fact that someone like you works for the CDC makes me a teensy weensy bit uneasy...

 

[Thundrstorm]

nevermind

 

[silvercholla]

Originally posted by Thundrstorm
nevermind

It's this type of indecisiveness that makes GREAT Doctors!! Keep up the good work

 

[mvervaine]

i hate trolls. i'm going to start a thread on the BIGGEST most GINORMOUS TROLLS on SDN.

i'll start:

SMW
jot
Dra Foxy

 

[Explosivo]

Originally posted by mvervaine
i hate trolls. i'm going to start a thread on the BIGGEST most GINORMOUS TROLLS on SDN.

i'll start:

SMW
jot
Dra Foxy

Well I ran out of cockring jokes that's why.

O.k. I'll keep the list going:

SMW
jot
Dra Foxy
Lee A Burnett
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein

 

[DW]

wow what a helpful, non superfluous list! good work guys

bounty
chopsuey
Dra Foxy
jot
Lee A Burnett
oldman
ophto mud_phud
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein
SMW
sweet tea

 

[cabruen]

We can't leave off mpp. That bastard!

mpp
bounty
chopsuey
Dra Foxy
jot
Lee A Burnett
oldman
ophto mud_phud
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein
SMW
sweet tea

 

[chips]

Now why do i have a premonition this list is going to end up like the "New and re-revised and little-people-included History of SDN edition XIII?"

i just bought myself a sniper gun and am contemplating popping off the adm comm at the following schools that did not offer me an interview. just alerting you all to the fact so you don't flip out when it hits the news.

JHU
Stanford
Howard

 

[Explosivo]

Originally posted by cabruen
We can't leave off mpp. That bastard!

mpp
bounty
chopsuey
Dra Foxy
jot
Lee A Burnett
oldman
ophto mud_phud
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein
SMW
sweet tea

You didn't alphabetize you frickin jagoff!!

I'm sending a copy of this list to all the medical schools you applied to b/c your lack of alphabetization shows you to be unfit for a career in medicine.

I'm adding one more troll too...perhaps the meanest one.

bounty
chopsuey
Dra Foxy
jot
Lee A Burnett
mpp
oldman
ophto mud_phud
Shanika-Shwakwan Bonita Silverstein
SMW
sweet tea
tweetie_bird

 

[::Seabass::]

Originally posted by seaworthc

should I start a thead asking if selling your body to an old, crusty mad helps your chances? I haven't seen that discussed yet.

Why has no one gotten back to me on this yet? I'm crushed!

Really, I have a big interview Monday and I have yet to figure out how to throw myself at the member of the adcom committee who will be interviewing me. Should I just drop down on my knees or wear a trench coat and do the flashing thing? Please help!

Another thought, what if I get a female, will lesbianism really help?

 

[chips]

Originally posted by seaworthc
Why has no one gotten back to me on this yet? I'm crushed!

Really, I have a big interview Monday and I have yet to figure out how to throw myself at the member of the adcom committee who will be interviewing me. Should I just drop down on my knees or wear a trench coat and do the flashing thing? Please help!

Another thought, what if I get a female, will lesbianism really help?

i vote knees. (re: trenchcoat--what if it's warm and someone in the waiting area offers to take your coat?)

 

[::Seabass::]

Originally posted by chips
i vote knees. (re: trenchcoat--what if it's warm and someone in the waiting area offers to take your coat?)

Great point. Thanks!

 

[chips]

as for the lesbianism issue...better bring some (variety of) props, just to be cover your bases.

 

[::Seabass::]

Originally posted by chips
as for the lesbianism issue...better bring some (variety of) props, just to be cover your bases.

dang, more money I need to invest in order to gain admission to med school. I guess a girls got to do what a girls got to do!

 

[chips]

Originally posted by seaworthc
Why has no one gotten back to me on this yet? I'm crushed!

Really, I have a big interview Monday and I have yet to figure out how to throw myself at the member of the adcom committee who will be interviewing me. Should I just drop down on my knees or wear a trench coat and do the flashing thing? Please help!

Another thought, what if I get a female, will lesbianism really help?

after much contemplation...i change my mind. i vote trenchcoat. however slight, the possibility exists that i might also be in said waiting room, so do i want to miss seaworthc getting her coat checked? i don't think so.

 

[Explosivo]

Originally posted by seaworthc
Why has no one gotten back to me on this yet? I'm crushed!

Really, I have a big interview Monday and I have yet to figure out how to throw myself at the member of the adcom committee who will be interviewing me. Should I just drop down on my knees or wear a trench coat and do the flashing thing? Please help!

Another thought, what if I get a female, will lesbianism really help?

If it is a female, lesbianism really will help but only if you sport the "bull-****" look to show off your individuality...adcoms like that. They don't want cookie cutter premeds!

If it is male I would flash first then offer him a hunter green cockring as a symbol of your desire to study medicine.

 

[Random Access]

Originally posted by seaworthc
Another thought, what if I get a female, will lesbianism really help?

Yes. Start making out with a hot female interviewee. Or even better, bring a hot friend.

 

[::Seabass::]

Good thing you reminded me, I completely forgot about the merits of offering a cockring as a sign of my devotion to said school.

I can't bring a hot friend, all my hot friends are pscyho. I can't handle that level of possesiveness and suffocation.

Maybe I should send in as supplemental info the picture taken of me this past weekend during the 150 mile bike I ride I participated in through work? They got a shot of my @ss in my biking shorts and placed it on the server here at work. My boss spent so much time studying the picture and zooming in, he even noticed the barely visible padding in the buttocks region found in all riding shorts. One day I just want to walk down the hall without being gawked at.

 

[Thundrstorm]

Originally posted by chips
i just bought myself a sniper gun and am contemplating popping off the adm comm at the following schools that did not offer me an interview. just alerting you all to the fact so you don't flip out when it hits the news.

JHU
Stanford
Howard

Not very funny considering current news.

 

[kiping]

Originally posted by Random Access
Yes. Start making out with a hot female interviewee. Or even better, bring a hot friend.

just in case... i've decided to bring a friend so that i can make out- that way the adcam people can have the choisce of watching or of a menage a trois.

 

[chips]

Originally posted by Thundrstorm
Not very funny considering current news.

*sigh*
you are no fun...

but my most sincere squidges if i offended anyone.

 

[Thundrstorm]

Originally posted by chips
*sigh*
you are no fun...

but my most sincere squidges if i offended anyone.

I AM fun! really! No offense taken, it just touched a nerve given that I'm from Maryland and this whole sniper mess is really making me worry about my family (I'm in Boston for school).

 

[mvervaine]

who am i?

1.) >>>>>>>I>>>>>>>AM>>>>>>>>>ON>>>>>>>>CRACK>>>>
WEEEEEE>>>>>>>>HHAHAHAHA>>>>>>YOU WANNA HE SO WHAT?>>|||>>>CAN I DO THAT>>>>>STREAM O CONSCIOUSNESS
>>>>>>I LOVE WILLIAM FAULKNER!!!!>>BYEEEEEEE!!!!

2.) old mcdonald had a limp dik, eea eea o!
you a limp dik, he a limp dik, everyone a limp dik!

3.) welcome to SDN!!!


**answers to be posted by request**

 

[Sweet Tea]

incoherent babbling? it's gotta be SWM. that girl says some crazy stuff...

 

[mvervaine]

sorry to have confused people...

the three quotes refer to three different people....

so it's more like, "who are we," and not "who am i."

 

[DrLady]

1 and 2nd quotes are of Delayofgame
3. SMW

am I right in guessing?

 

[SMW]

#2 is Tein II.

 

[14931]

1)
delay of game
2)
dw
3)
tweety_bird

 

[DW]

2= ME!?!?! immediatespring, explain yourself

my lyrical sytlings are MUCH more advanced, as evidenced by my sig.....

 

[14931]

Originally posted by DW
2= ME!?!?! immediatespring, explain yourself

my lyrical sytlings are MUCH more advanced, as evidenced by my sig.....

sorry!!! i took a wild guess

 

[DW]

Originally posted by immediatespring
sorry!!! i took a wild guess

its ok. i'm just a little testy (understandably I'd think) about people confusing me with TeinII

 

[mvervaine]

#1 is delayofgame (everyone got this right!)
#2 is teinII (congrats SMW )
#3 is SMW (congrats DrLady )

immediatespring you get a consellation prize --> try again


well. that was fun. if only the mcats were this easy. too bad it only distracted us for about 20 seconds.

 

[chips]

there was once a place called SDN,
where the premeds came to front about medicine.
they spit and they swore,
and called each other ******,
until one finally got his pubic bone a-broken.

...to be continued...

 

[SMW]

Someone's iambic pentameter meter's broken!

 

[Sweet Tea]

better the iambic pentameter meter than the sarcastic meter.

 

[chips]

<---that's for you sweEt tea.